Reconciliation

Reconciliation (rek·ənˌsɪl·iˈeɪ·ʃən)

a change of relationship from hostility to harmony and peace between two parties.[1]

 

The well-known parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) does not end with forgiveness. It goes beyond forgiveness to reconciliation. When the father meets his repentant son, this is what he says,

“Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

So they began to celebrate.

The desired outcome of the process of forgiveness is reconciliation. Whereas forgiveness addresses the moral ‘debt’ created by an offense that has damaged or broken a relationship, reconciliation addresses the broken relationship between the offender and the offended.

Put another way, forgiveness releases the repentant offender from their moral ‘debt’ (the negative), whereas reconciliation seeks to restore them to full fellowship (the positive).

This post will introduce you to some vital issues concerning the theology and practice of reconciliation by examining three biblical texts.

 

Our starting point

In the opening post, we located true forgiveness in God’s heart and action.

The foundation for understanding forgiveness is in the heart of God. 

The model for practicing forgiveness is in the action of God.

In the same way, we locate true reconciliation in God’s heart and action. God not only forgives those who are repentant and believe (Acts 20:21; etc.), but he goes beyond forgiveness to reconciliation. Our God desires an intimate relationship with us.

Let’s look at some biblical texts on reconciliation to God.

Two of these texts are Romans 5 and 2 Corinthians 5, which use the verb or action word katallassō, meaning “the exchange of hostility for a friendly relationship, reconcile,” and its noun katallassē, the “reestablishment of an interrupted or broken relationship, reconciliation.”[2]

Here is Romans 5:8-11:

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled [katallassō] to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled [katallassō], shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation [katallassē].

From this, we learn that people who repent and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ are not only forgiven, but beyond that, have their hostility and broken relationship with God replaced with a friendly, harmonious, and peaceful relationship.

Our understanding and practice of forgiveness and reconciliation should conform to God’s.

So, let’s look at a few texts that speak of interpersonal reconciliation. We will make some basic observations for each text, commenting on “Who,” then combining the “What, How, and Why,” concluding with a few thoughts.

 

Matthew 5:23-24

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Set in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus proclaims what life should look like in the Kingdom of heaven both here and now, as well as into the future.

Who: Here, it is the offender who is expected, if not commanded, to be reconciled to one who has “something against you.”

What, How, and Why: The offender is offering a gift at the altar—an act of religious observance, if not worship. Instead of completing the offering, he is to ‘hit the pause button’ and “go and be reconciled” to the one he offended.

The words “go” and “be reconciled” are imperatives, not suggestions. These are actions of going and reconciling, not simply private adjustments in attitude or a ‘note to self’ to deal with this later.

Although the focus is on reconciliation, the intermediate steps of repentance, confession, and receiving forgiveness are implicit. Remember the tale of the blind men and the elephant. Although a blind man may only touch one part of the elephant (e.g., its tail), that does not mean the elephant is only a tail. The tail is connected to the whole elephant. In the same way, a text touching on reconciliation is not the whole teaching on the process of forgiveness.

Reconciliation requires personal action and engagement, not mere private remorse. It appears that the health of our interpersonal relationship is significant to God, such that even worship is no substitute for the responsibility to move toward reconciliation.

 

Matthew 18:15-20

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

Matthew 18 is where we discover the Lord’s extensive instruction concerning the process of forgiveness.

Here, the victim or offended person initiates the process of forgiveness toward reconciliation—first privately.[3] The wrong is identified truthfully, giving the offender the opportunity to listen and repent. If the offender is not responsive, others become involved. If the offender listens and repents, that person is won.

The word “won” (kerdainō) can have a commercial meaning of “to acquire by effort or investment, to gain” (Matthew 25:16-17; James 4:13) or, as in this context, a relational meaning. In a relational sense, Paul uses this word in Philippians 3:8,

… that I may gain Christ

to express the riches of an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus. In Matthew 18, it is the reward of regaining a close and friendly relationship with one who had been alienated by their offense.[4]

Again, reconciliation requires personal action and engagement, not private pity or victimhood. Rebuilding a damaged or broken relationship of great value—it is worth it.

 

Galatians 6:1-2

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you [plural] who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Here, it is a community, in particular “you [plural] who are spiritual,” who “should restore gently” the “one caught in sin.”

There are many things we could examine in this text. Let’s look at three.

1. “If someone is caught [or taken] in a sin” suggests a situation that was not intentional and continuous. There is no indication that the person is rebellious or unrepentant; if the person were, stronger measures may be called for, as we read earlier in Matthew 18:15-20 (see also 1 Corinthians 5).

2. “you [plural] who are spiritual” are those called upon to deal with this person. The word “spiritual” is much misunderstood and misused in our modern setting. Eugene Peterson writes,

St. Paul used the adjective ‘spiritual’ (pneumatikos) to refer to actions or attitudes derived from the work of the Holy Spirit in all Christians.[5]

These are mature Christians, people who exhibit the fruit of the Spirit we are told of immediately before this verse. Despite their maturity, they are conscious of their own vulnerability to sin and are to watch, or pay close attention, to themselves.

3. “restore him [or her] gently.”

“Restore” (katartizō) is used of the disciples mending or washing their fishing nets (Mark 1:19; Matthew 4:21). I understand that it may be used for setting a broken bone. This is a positive term, not one of judgment or punishment. Again, it is implicit that the person has acknowledged their wrong and is cooperating with their restoration to full fellowship.  

The word for “gently” or “gentleness” (prautēs) is found among the fruit of the Spirit, four verses earlier. It is a word that fits well with the analogy of resetting a broken bone—or a broken life.

 

Summing up

 When we survey these and other verses, we can conclude a few basic characteristics of reconciliation, including:

1. Presumption:

These situations, speaking of reconciliation, presume that the process of forgiveness has resulted in repentance, confession, and perhaps restitution by the offender, and that the offended or victim has granted their forgiveness to the offender. Yet, there is something beyond forgiveness.

2. Intentional:

Reconciliation or restoration of a damaged or broken relationship is an intentional process. No doubt it takes time to demonstrate the reality (or fruit) of repentance and to reestablish trust.

3. Who:

Those initiating action toward reconciliation can be and should be anyone impacted by a damaged or broken relationship, whether the offender, the offended, or mature members of a supportive community.

4. How exhibited:

The movement of this process of reconciliation is toward a wholesome and closer relationship. It can be expressed and exhibited in several ways, including winning or gaining a person, restoring or mending, and even “Let’s have a feast and celebrate.”

There is much more to learn about reconciliation, but this gives us a start.

Do you have questions or something you want to add? Feel free to write me using this link.

 

BACK TO The Problem of Troubling Memories

TO START at the beginning of this series

Notes:

[1] Charles C. Ryrie, Basic Theology (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1986), 336.

[2] Walter Bauer, Frederick William Danker, William F. Arndt, and F. Wilbur Gingrich, A Greek‑English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd ed. (Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 521. Hereafter, abbreviated as BDAG.

[3] When I say “privately,” there are still situations where safeguards are necessary. A victim should not be required to meet one-on-one with their abuser, or with a person who relishes these private meetings as another opportunity for abuse or manipulation. See: “Confronting the Other with Grace and Truth.” 

[4] BDAG, 541, and W. E. Vine et al., Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1985), 260. 

[5] Eugene H. Peterson, Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2005), 28.

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