The Problem of Troubling Memories

Do you ever have painful memories invade your thoughts?

You recoil as you remember an action or word that caused harm either to you or someone else.

If so, you are not alone.

Whether a victim is haunted by the memory of abuse or some other injustice, or an offender is plagued by the recollection of past actions or words that harmed others, such memories can fester in a person’s heart, mind, and soul, crippling their life.

This blog presents examples of this problem and offers some biblical and practical insights to help you move forward. This is necessarily brief and is not a substitute for competent, biblically informed counsel or treatment.

Let’s begin by acknowledging a common truth.

 

Consequences

As we have explored the process of forgiveness in this series, we have observed the inevitability of consequences. One of these consequences is memory.

There are limited, generally unwanted exceptions to this statement, such as dementia, but the common truth is that memory is not erased.

In support, we can draw on our own experiences and those of countless others.

Before turning to those who have been victimized, let’s hear from an offender on this point.

 

An offender’s memory

Long after his conversion on the road to Damascus, the man who had been Saul of Tarsus publicly recounts his past actions of persecuting, imprisoning, and supporting the death of followers of Jesus Christ: Acts 22:4-5, 19-20; 26:9-11; 1 Corinthians 15:9; and Galatians 1:13.

Paul had been forgiven, but his memory had not been erased.

Near the end of his life, Paul writes (1 Timothy 1:12-17):

¹² I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. ¹³ Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. ¹⁴ The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁵ Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶ But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. ¹⁷ Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

What can we learn from this text about dealing with memories?

 

Hope for the offender

What follows presumes the offender has already engaged in the process of forgiveness with a view to reconciliation. This means, at least, repentance and confession toward God and the victim(s).

Here are four things we can learn from Paul’s experience of painful memories.

1. Acknowledgment:

Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man …

Paul does not ignore, deny, or minimize his past offenses as if they never happened or did not matter; he acknowledges and owns them. This is a truthful confession, spoken with deep humility, about who he once was.

2. Reframed:

I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.

His identity, including his memories, is reframed within God’s purposes. Notice his recognition of God’s mercy, grace, faith, and love that are in Christ Jesus, poured out on him abundantly. He is no longer the person he once was. He has been transformed.

Paul is not imprisoned by his past sins. God’s grace enables him to reframe his identity in Christ.

3. Released:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. … But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

The evidence of this grace-filled reframing is witnessed in at least three ways:

• Gratitude toward God: He gives thanks to God, as Paul thanks “Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.”
• Awareness for himself: Although implied in this text, Paul no longer has any desire to blaspheme God or to persecute or be violent to others. Instead, he serves both the One he persecuted and His people. The reframed memories of his past sins are no longer a pattern of harmful behavior; they are a grace-filled deterrent encouraging godly behavior.
• Example to others: In this text, this is explicit. If a blasphemer, persecutor, and violent man such as Paul can be transformed by God’s grace, then there is hope for anyone. He is an example for others of God’s grace to sinful humanity.

4. Praise toward God:

Paul has said all he needs to on this subject, so he bursts into praise, writing,

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

This manifests a heart set free despite his past.

Let’s turn our attention to those who have been victimized.

 

Hope for the victim

Here are three all-too-brief glimpses into how a victim can deal with painful memories in a life-giving, soul-restoring way that is authentic, biblical, and God-honoring.

1. Joseph

Neither the memories of Joseph nor his brothers were erased.

Joseph’s brothers had treacherously sold him into slavery. Joseph suffered alienation from his family, the loss of his freedom, wrongful imprisonment, and years of abandonment (Genesis 37, 39-40). Despite these sufferings, he recognized God’s presence and purpose in his life (Genesis 41).  

Years later, when his brothers and their families were in danger of starvation, the brothers providentially found themselves before Joseph, whom they did not recognize. In his presence, they inadvertently expressed their remorse and repentance for what they had done (Genesis 44-45).

Joseph’s memories had not been wiped away. By God’s grace, Joseph was empowered to reframe those memories within God’s ‘story’—God’s great purposes. In Genesis 50:20, we hear Joseph declare to his brothers:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

This does not justify the sinful actions of his brothers—that is another story—but illustrates how the painful memories of abuse, injustice, and abandonment were reframed within the greater purposes of our sovereign God.

2. Lament Psalms

One fruitful resource to engage with is the lament psalms. About one-third of the psalms are in the lament category, indicating their significance.

Lament psalms belong to seasons of disorientation, in which we experience and express pain, sorrow, and confusion— whether as individuals or communities. This includes abuse, betrayal, slander, remorse, depression, and many other scenarios.

I commend the following posts to you:

• “The Blessings of Lament,” and
• The recent post, “Grace for the Fractures.” 

Both of these posts include links to other resources. In them, you will discover new ways of confronting painful memories, entering into the heart of lament, and reinterpreting those memories within God’s ‘story’—the grace-filled purposes of the one true God who invites, understands, and heals.

3. Jesus Christ

Our God enfleshed himself as Jesus Christ, who was misunderstood, slandered, abused, abandoned, and rejected. He understands pain more deeply than we can imagine.

What did he do with the abuse, injustice, and suffering?

In “Walking in the Way of Christ,” you are introduced to the Lord’s way of responding.

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1Peter 2:23)

 

In conclusion

God’s grace does not erase the memory of past sin. It enables us to remember truthfully without remaining imprisoned by condemnation. We remember both what we have done and what Christ has done, allowing the memory to be reframed in repentance, humility, wisdom, service, and worship rather than despair.

As mentioned, this post only scratches the surface of the problem of troubling memories. A multitude of questions could be raised, including:

• How do I reframe my memories?
• What is the difference between victimized and victimhood, and how can I deal wholesomely and biblically with both?
• What is the difference between true and false guilt, shame, and fear, and how do I deal with them?

There is so much more that could be added to help, strengthen, encourage, and bless.

For these reasons (and more), I invite you to suggest topics to add and questions to address. You can contact me using this link.

 

BACK TO I Can’t Forgive Myself

TO START at the beginning of this series 

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