Four Qualities of True Forgiveness

forgiving each other,

just as in Christ

God forgave you.

God’s forgiveness of us in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 4:32; etc.) is the foundation and model for our forgiveness of one another. It is the process for rebuilding broken or damaged relationships.

Consulting the “Map of Forgiveness,” so far, we have traced the path from a broken relationship:

• to unconditional love,
• to loving rebuke,
• then to the offender’s repentance and confession.

We now encounter the response of forgiveness—the release of the offender from their guilt.

To better understand this, let’s look more closely at a few characteristics of forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness as rebuilding

This series has been careful in drawing the necessary distinction between love and forgiveness. Among other things, we have learned that:

• Forgiveness is not the same as love; yet love yearns to forgive.
• Forgiveness is not about ‘me’; forgiveness is about ‘us.’
• Forgiveness is conditional; our love is to be unconditional.

I encourage you to refresh your understanding of forgiveness and its desired goal in this earlier post. 

Forgiveness is necessary to the process of rebuilding a broken or damaged relationship and moving toward reconciliation.

2. Forgiveness as conditional

As pointed out earlier, forgiveness is conditional. Jesus speaks briefly and profoundly about this to his disciples in Luke 17:1-4:

Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

From this text, among others, we discover that forgiveness is the response when the offender has repented.

Forgiveness is conditional: “if he repents, forgive him.” Once an offending person repents, the offended one is to forgive — no “ifs, ands, or buts.” In fact, Jesus says “forgive him” (underlined above) in the imperative, which indicates an expectation or command.

3. Forgiveness as obedience

The disciples see this as requiring more than they are able. So, they ask:

“Increase our faith!”

Jesus replies (17:6):

“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”

The Lord seems to be saying, “It’s not a matter of how much faith you have.” He then continues with a parable about a landowner and his servant (17:7-11):

“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

You may wonder how this fits with Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness. He is using this ‘story’ to demonstrate his point.

A servant obeys his master. When the servant does their duty, there are no special privileges. In the context, servants have an obligation to fulfill their duty to their masters.

What is this saying about the command to forgive a person who has repented?

It is this: do what your Lord expects and commands. Obey him; fulfill his expectations.

Forgiveness in these circumstances is not about how you feel about the offender or the offense. It is not about whether you are still hurting from the wrong. If the offender repents and comes to you and says (something like):

“I was wrong to have ____________ to you. Will you forgive me?”

Then the follower of Jesus has but one proper response:

“I forgive you.”

4. Forgiveness as promise

In earlier posts, we examined Hebrew and Greek words translated as “forgive” in the Bible (“Destination of Forgiveness”). As we gathered these words together, we encountered a sense of the dynamics of forgiveness. The wrong, sin, offense, or guilt of the offending person is:

• • pardoned, 
  • covered,
  • wiped out,
  • sent away,
  • dismissed,

and that person is released from the guilt of their offense.

Like the apostles, you may ask,

“How do I forgive like that? What does it mean to forgive?”

We adapted a practical definition from Jay Adams in From Forgiven to Forgiving:

Forgiveness is the declared promise to another never to bring up that person’s offence again to use against that person.[1] 

It is a promise to, or a covenant with, the wrongdoer who repents. When you forgive, you are promising the repentant wrongdoer never to bring up that offense again or to use it against that wrongdoer. You are saying, “You are released from the guilt of your wrongdoing.” 

Now what?

Are there people who have asked for your forgiveness, but you have withheld it in whole or in part?

Now, what do you need to do?

Please feel free to send your comments and questions to me using this link. 

FORWARD TO the next post in this series

BACK TO Key Factors of Genuine Forgiveness 

TO START at the beginning of this series

Notes:

 [1] Jay E. Adams, From Forgiven to Forgiving (Wheaton, IL: Victor, 1989).

 Photo credit: Ben Sutherland via Visual Hunt / CC BY